The story of Squishy the kitten...

#1 - Dec. 5, 2012, 5:36 p.m.
Blizzard Post
Once upon a time, in a land not so far, far away, a proud Tauren shaman sat in meditation upon Elder Rise. He remained focused in meditation for a long time as he tried to commune with the element of fire that burned morosely from the Zippo in his hand. Finally, he heard from it a soft, forlorn sigh and opened his surprised eyes down upon it.

"Dude, what up?" His deep voice rolled with trepidation.

"I'm depressed," the little flame squeaked. "I want to fight and be a great big badass like the rest of you! I want to conquer lots of challenges and be a strong champion against insurmountable odds and tests of will!"

"Sooo," the Tauren asked in confusion, "you want to do my dailies?"

The flame flickered, "I said champion, not insane. Train me, great shaman!" With its voice growing in gleeful, hopeful excitement so, too, did its brightness. "Make me a warrior!"

The Shaman grinned. How grand he would be, he imagined, charging into the Alliance base alongside a terrifying element of fire! Wreaking havoc across the battlefield and burning everything in sight as he ran with a little blue flag, bellowing his battle cry; "LOL NOOBS DON'T FIGHT ON THE ROAD!"

He shook his head to bring his thoughts back to the present. The little Zippo flame flickered expectantly. With a kind smile reflecting the wisdom and warm heart of his ancestral lineage he bowed his head and said, "You better keep up with the group."

"Yay!" Chirped the little flame and the Tauren set it down on the ground. "You had better step back, friend. This will be explosive!" It warned. Worried, the Tauren did as instructed and rose, stepping back to give distance. The little Zippo started to shake and shimmy. The air around it began to swirl faster and faster! The Tauren covered his face to protect it from the unavoidable explosion that was sure to ensue when suddenly *POOF*! An unexpectedly anticlimactic puff of air had him return his focus upon where the lighter once was, now in its place a manifestation of flaming death! Its helm gleamed in the dim sunlight of the tent. Its claws of fire dug at the soil beneath! Upon its maw was a devilishly motivated grin as its long, blazing tail flicked to and fro! And then... it chased its tail? The Tauren's shoulders slumped as he looked upon the two-foot-tall Cinder Kitten with disappointment.

"Bro! Seriously? What the crap?!" He gawked down at the most adorable pair of eyes blinking up at him. Sliding his palm down his face he sighed. He had promised.

Hours turned into days. Days turned into weeks. Weeks hadn't quite reached a month before the Tauren decided to sit down with his companion for some realtalk.

"Alright, dude," he growled, "you've been in over fifty battles and no matter how I try to teach you, you've won two. Two! What up, man? I thought we were going to raise hell!"

"I'm trying my best!" The small kitten whined while he plopped his sore rump onto the grass, setting it on fire which the Tauren was forced to quickly stamp out with his hoof before the Barrens suffered another firey fate.

"Damage!" He barked. "You take it like a high school prom queen! Doesn't that armor of yours do anything to help?"

"Well, um, no, it's sort of just for decoration," the kitten replied, pawing at his helmet some which made it sit a bit crooked on his head.

"Okay, okay, what about healing?" The Tauren asked. "You're an element of fire! Surely you got some way to, you know, beef yourself back up a little!"

"Weeeellll," the kitten said and twitched its tail, looking upward in a thoughtful manner, "nnnnno. No, I can't do that either." He frowned helplessly up at his companion who sighed, shaking his head.

"Something obviously has to be done about this," he said to himself. "Something that is absolutely certain to get an immediate and helpful response without fail. Something so drastic that it absolutely has to work EVERY TIME!"

"Where are you going?!" The kitten called out to the Tauren who began to run off into the grassy field.

He raised a hand victoriously and called back, "To the forums!"


Please consider giving the cinder kitty some more HP, or maybe a heal? Perhaps some better damage mitigation? My windrider cub at the same level does higher damage and takes less damage than his new firey friend. I'm just curious if it's on-par as intended or if some greater survivability might be considered. Thank you! :)
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Community Manager
#13 - Dec. 6, 2012, 2:36 a.m.
Blizzard Post
12/05/2012 09:38 AMPosted by Snowfox
This has got to be the best request for a buff I have ever seen.