How should I have handled this?

#0 - Dec. 17, 2009, 7:36 p.m.

Posting on an alt such that I don't air my guild's dirty laundry as much. I am an 80 feral druid dual spec'd tank and dps, tanking foremost.

Last night we were slated to go into ICC10 with our "A" team, best geared people from toc25/togc10. Raid leader is an hour late, which is nothing unusual, but some of us decided we would just go without him, not knowing if he would show up at all.

Marrowgar goes down without incident. Shawl of Nerubian Silk, 72agi/61sta/41hit/56exp/122ap, drops. The raid leader, a very good DK dps, is the leader and master looter.

RL: roll mainspec
RL rolls a 3. The hunter in our group does not need it.
Me (raid chat): am I allowed to roll on that?
No response, he loots to himself.

We're clearing deathwhisper trash when I send him a tell

Me: hey, i asked if i could roll on that and you didn't answer before you looted it.
RL: tough sh*t, you should've rolled.
Me: you said mainspec so I was trying to see if I was available since that cloak is terrible for you anyway.
RL: I need the hit/expertise and you should've rolled, you're a stupid f*ck for not doing it
Me: I asked you if I could and you didn't answer. if you are going to lead these raids when [leader] doesn't show, you need to handle things better.
RL: I didn't answer, that means you roll on it idiot
Me: You're being deliberately obtuse, I'm out

Then he goes off on me. I say "peace dudes" and drop raid and hearth. Now, these people are my friends, so everyone but him jumps on the guy after I explain why I left. They are left without their main tank, and I courteously explain to them why I'm leaving. It's not about the loot itself, but about how he treated me about it. Everyone else agrees, and the RL is not longer the lead of the group, one of our other members is, which is great. He still continues to b*tch me out in raid/guild chat, but by this time our regular RL comes on. I explain the situation to him about why I'm holding up the group and I'm about to log off.

He agrees that the DK is acting ridiculously and sorts it out. The rest of the raid forces him to ticket me the item, even though I've specified it's not about the loot, it's about his attitude. We continue the raid, I apologize to the group for holding them up, and I /w the DK "look I don't want to cause drama, can we bury this?" and he agrees. We proceed to 1-shot the rest of the raid and call it a night.

How should one handle a situation like this? Did I act correctly?

Now, I'm a respected member of this guild. I don't miss scheduled raids, I help people with what they need, I'm chill with everyone. I don't loot !%#*@. It has been decided that in [leader]'s absence, I will be leading instead because I've done it before. The only reason I wasn't leading last night was because I was in H-UP when they were forming up, and since we are all friends/guildies, we don't usually ever have problems.

Eyonix

#9 - Dec. 17, 2009, 8:10 p.m.

Q u o t e:
Posting on an alt such that I don't air my guild's dirty laundry as much. I am an 80 feral druid dual spec'd tank and dps, tanking foremost.

Last night we were slated to go into ICC10 with our "A" team, best geared people from toc25/togc10. Raid leader is an hour late, which is nothing unusual, but some of us decided we would just go without him, not knowing if he would show up at all.

Marrowgar goes down without incident. Shawl of Nerubian Silk, 72agi/61sta/41hit/56exp/122ap, drops. The raid leader, a very good DK dps, is the leader and master looter.

RL: roll mainspec
RL rolls a 3. The hunter in our group does not need it.
Me (raid chat): am I allowed to roll on that?
No response, he loots to himself.

We're clearing deathwhisper trash when I send him a tell

Me: hey, i asked if i could roll on that and you didn't answer before you looted it.
RL: tough sh*t, you should've rolled.
Me: you said mainspec so I was trying to see if I was available since that cloak is terrible for you anyway.
RL: I need the hit/expertise and you should've rolled, you're a stupid f*ck for not doing it
Me: I asked you if I could and you didn't answer. if you are going to lead these raids when [leader] doesn't show, you need to handle things better.
RL: I didn't answer, that means you roll on it idiot
Me: You're being deliberately obtuse, I'm out

Then he goes off on me. I say "peace dudes" and drop raid and hearth. Now, these people are my friends, so everyone but him jumps on the guy after I explain why I left. They are left without their main tank, and I courteously explain to them why I'm leaving. It's not about the loot itself, but about how he treated me about it. Everyone else agrees, and the RL is not longer the lead of the group, one of our other members is, which is great. He still continues to b*tch me out in raid/guild chat, but by this time our regular RL comes on. I explain the situation to him about why I'm holding up the group and I'm about to log off.

He agrees that the DK is acting ridiculously and sorts it out. The rest of the raid forces him to ticket me the item, even though I've specified it's not about the loot, it's about his attitude. We continue the raid, I apologize to the group for holding them up, and I /w the DK "look I don't want to cause drama, can we bury this?" and he agrees. We proceed to 1-shot the rest of the raid and call it a night.

How should one handle a situation like this? Did I act correctly?

Now, I'm a respected member of this guild. I don't miss scheduled raids, I help people with what they need, I'm chill with everyone. I don't loot !%#*@. It has been decided that in [leader]'s absence, I will be leading instead because I've done it before. The only reason I wasn't leading last night was because I was in H-UP when they were forming up, and since we are all friends/guildies, we don't usually ever have problems.

In my opinion, there isn't a definitive "right" way to have handled it, only the right way for you, which you can determine much easier by simply thinking objectively at the situation as a whole, from as many angles as possible. Unfortunately, thinking objectively isn't easy for many people, or rather doesn't always come natural.

A good start, if you do want to try and evaluate what happened in a more objective way is to remove yourself completely from the equation. Imagine everything occured identically as it did, but instead of it happening to you, it happen to your best friend.

How would you feel?

Then picture the situation again, but this time the occurance was between the raid leader and someone you barely knew.

How would you feel then?

And so on and so forth...

In any case, based on your account of the occurance, you handled pretty much the same way I would've, and I'm pretty amazing... :D

Important Edit: You know, I thought about a little further. Awesome definitely better describes me.

Eyonix

#11 - Dec. 17, 2009, 8:14 p.m.

Q u o t e:
Yay my first blue thread.

Thanks for the glowing endorsement Eyonix.

Aww, it was the least I could do after I tried to screw you out of loot last night.... :P

Eyonix

#43 - Dec. 17, 2009, 8:51 p.m.

Q u o t e:
An issue came up, people got out of line, the issue was resolved, and the night went on without further incident.

Why are you posting?

These are community forums, and while they exist to serve many functions-- community oriented discussions such as what you're seeing in this thread is their primary reason for being.

I strongly urge that refrain from posting comments with poisoness intent.

Eyonix

#55 - Dec. 17, 2009, 9:05 p.m.

Q u o t e:

But he's dps and I'm tanking. Here's how I see it: agility for him should be treated equal to an OS roll for me. Why am I at fault for trying to clarify things?

If you want to get different players perspectives and opinions on the core of your post, don't allow it to digress. Particularly, by continuing to respond to comments focusing on the loot. This was about the whole of the actions that took place, and the way each of you handled and responded to the situation.