Alone with anxiety - Blue Tracker

#1 - Feb. 8, 2016, 6:57 a.m.

I've been battling depression and severe anxiety for awhile now, I've recently been trying extra hard to get myself to stop being afraid and make some friends. I've never had any friends and I haven't had a whole lot of human interaction outside my family. I've been homeschooled since second or third grade. I'm 17 and I keep living with this undying fear of people. I have this dream of one day being able to talk to people without fear. I have a dream to have friends I can talk to and feel comfortable with. I want to have people to play games with and laugh with and not be afraid. This is something I have wanted for so long I couldn't even number the days, weeks, months, years.

I've played World of Warcraft for a very long time, it's something I consider important in my life. Even though I haven't played much in WoD and I'm way far behind on everything, it is still important to me. But I can't help but feel alone. I used to have family who played as well, but they have quit, leaving me by myself. I want to be able to talk to people ingame and try to make friends but I can't will myself to do it. It doesn't help that so many people I encounter on my server are rude. I've never been able to get into raiding or rated BGs because there is too much reliance on each other, too much communication and cooperation for me to be able to handle. I'm at the point now where I won't even do normal BGs because I am so undergeared I'm afraid of someone calling me out on it. I know I could just ignore them but I can't handle the pressure. I feel like the only person who plays the game that has problems like this. I'm as solo as a solo player can be and I hate it. I guess I'm here looking for any advice, if anyone has it.

UPDATE 2/9/16: I am amazed by the amount of replies here, and baffled by the amount of support. Firstly I want to thank everyone who has sent any kind of support and everyone who have given me their battletags (as of now I plan to add some of you). I never expected all of this. I will update this again soon, hopefully. Also, I want to clarify one thing that I honestly should have done in the original post but I was afraid it would change the way some people would treat this. I saw very many people who replied using he pronouns but, in fact I am a female. I'm sorry for any confusion. Also, I used one of my alts to post this because I was afraid of someone negatively contacting me on my main character. I do have a level 100 druid on the same server as this alt, I do play as alliance but I'm willing to play either side. I have a level 93 horde paladin on another server that I used my level 90 character boost on, but I hardly play on her. And on my druid I AM in a guild but don't be fooled, it was made by my uncle and only used for family and their alts but I think I'm the only one ever online anymore. After all of this I feel like maybe (hopefully) I won't be as alone anymore. The anxiety will still be there full force, but I need to beat this. I'm tired of sitting back and taking it, I want to not be afraid anymore. So with everyone's encouragement and the insane amount of people willing to try and help me, I will try to help me too. One step at a time I guess.

Ornyx

Community Manager

#205 - Feb. 9, 2016, 2:18 a.m.

02/07/2016 10:57 PMPosted by Edelsia
I've been battling depression and severe anxiety for awhile now, I've recently been trying extra hard to get myself to stop being afraid and make some friends. I've never had any friends and I haven't had a whole lot of human interaction outside my family. I've been homeschooled since second or third grade. I'm 17 and I keep living with this undying fear of people. I have this dream of one day being able to talk to people without fear. I have a dream to have friends I can talk to and feel comfortable with. I want to have people to play games with and laugh with and not be afraid. This is something I have wanted for so long I couldn't even number the days, weeks, months, years.

I've played World of Warcraft for a very long time, it's something I consider important in my life. Even though I haven't played much in WoD and I'm way far behind on everything, it is still important to me. But I can't help but feel alone. I used to have family who played as well, but they have quit, leaving me by myself. I want to be able to talk to people ingame and try to make friends but I can't will myself to do it. It doesn't help that so many people I encounter on my server are rude. I've never been able to get into raiding or rated BGs because there is too much reliance on each other, too much communication and cooperation for me to be able to handle. I'm at the point now where I won't even do normal BGs because I am so undergeared I'm afraid of someone calling me out on it. I know I could just ignore them but I can't handle the pressure. I feel like the only person who plays the game that has problems like this. I'm as solo as a solo player can be and I hate it. I guess I'm here looking for any advice, if anyone has it.

It seems you've been presented with some awesome choices for new friends. :)

I think it stands to say that there are many players in our community that feel the same way you do. Azeroth is an interesting case: it's a place you can escape to when you need it, and, as you've said, it has been extremely important, in that sense, to millions of players - that's something most people here share.

If your fear is of people, as you say, and it connects to any sense of what that face-to-face confrontation could be like with them, then online is definitely a better place to start. It seems you've got this part down, so my advice would be to connect with some of these lovely forum-goers who are holding their hands out to you.

Would love to see an update of where you're standing after this thread.

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."