How do you separate yourself?

#0 - Sept. 22, 2009, 3:37 p.m.

I find I have a bad habit that I need to break. I'm hoping some of you have experience on something that worked. The bad habit is that when I heal I suddenly take on every life in the raid as if I'm the only one responsible for them. When someone dies, no matter what the cause, I feel guilty that I couldn't save them. Even with multiple healers in the raid I take every death as a personal failure. Over the course of a night it really affects me even when half the deaths were impossible for healers to prevent.

What do you guys do to help separate yourself from "healer's remorse", as I call it? I'm starting to remember why I swore off healing back in BC but I'd like to be able to fill the role without taking it for more than it is, a game.

Edit for clarity:
It doesn't bother me that a virtual character ceases to live for a brief instant. The loss of a digital life is not worth concern. It's that people dying means the raid wipes and more and more time is wasted. The remorse comes from knowing that if you could have kept that person alive, somehow, that you could have downed the boss and moved on to the next. It's the time lost and the head bashing against the same encounter that is the struggle, not a virtual avatar changing states in a digital world.

Nethaera

#8 - Sept. 22, 2009, 5:17 p.m.

I do sometimes take it personally when I let someone die. But you have to put it into perspective. What was the situation? Were you just not paying attention? Did they take damage too quickly due to their own error or due to some quick crits by the boss? Did your focus get split because of something someone else in the group did?

You do need to find ways to get yourself away from blaming yourself too much when someone dies. It happens. Shrug it off and unless you purposefully let them die or made some error in judgment, don't sweat it. If you do make an error, apologize but don't wallow in it.

It's easy to get wrapped up in the concern of being excellent at what you're doing as a healer and a point of pride keeping everyone alive. The very best healers are concerned with these things, but the most important thing to remember is to have fun with it and if someone gets on you for what they feel you are doing wrong, ignore it. As long as you know what you are doing for the group and are doing your best, there isn't anything they can say to take that away from you.