Ok... I'm calm again - Blue Tracker

#0 - May 13, 2011, 4:11 p.m.

Let me just get the good stuff about these muck tuckering, robot spunk skunkering "followers" out of the way because if you read this whole thing, you might get the impression that they are a total pooch screw and that wouldn't be fair.

1) They way in which they are introduced into the conflict is much more interesting than in D2.
2) It's cool that they join the caravan along with the artisans.
3) As characters, they are more fleshed out than ever.
3) Reviving them isn't all that inconvenient.

That said, who gives a punk blundering about what they add to the immersion/story/lore? You know what game had a great, immersive story? The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. You know how many times I played it? That's right - once through. The story isn't what keeps me playing Diablo time and time again. By all means, let it have a great story, but do you really think I'm going to give pinch tickling what the spunk these "folowers" are up to the 100th time I come across them? No, no, I'm much more concerned about how they are going to affect my gameplay which is the differentiating factor as to why I played Ocarina of Time once and Diablo many, many times.

In that respect, these sink tinkering, bluck pup stuttering, fink bingling fonglers force my hand and I DON'T SPUNKING LIKE IT! When I play solo, I want to plunkering play SOLO. I want to know that my character has the skills and that I can employ the proper strategies to defeat anything the game can throw at me - by myself. If I want part of that strategy to be playing with multiple units, I'll play a bic slickering pet class!

I don't appreciate being at a disadvantage because I don't want to tunk luckering, sip top tuckering follower at my side all the time. What's so difficult to understand about that?!

I also don't want to adapt my PLAYSTYLE around a pink pat sap munk blubbering ROBOT that engages enemies and uses skills in an unpredictable way in which I have no control over! What don't you understand about that? I want to ruttering play my character according to the playstyle dictated by the 7 class skills that I've CHOSEN, without support of any other skillset or archetype.

I mean, why the in the splitch do you think anyone would want to play by themselves over the internet in the first place? If I want to play a certain build with support from a particular archetype, don't you think I will party with another player? DUH! DUH! DUH! Solo play = playing without support. Co-op play = playing with support. IS THIS REALLY A DIFFICULT CONCEPT TO GRASP?

No, seriously, what's so difficult to understand that if I want to play with a support character, I will play with another HUMAN BLUNDERING BEING, USING THE ONLINE SERVICE I'M ALREADY CONNECTED TO, WHICH IS PROMISED TO MAKE DOING SO EXTREMELY QUICK AND EASY?!

You may be thinking, "just don't play with one then." WRONG. WRONG. This stupid, gog gobbling system of "followers" OBLIGES me to use it because it puts me at a disadvantage if I don't. Here's what Clown #1 says about what they can do:

Q u o t e:
There's a templar that's going to take a lot of damage for you, but if you're a barbarian you can choose to have him healing because you don't need someone up-front taking a lot of damage for you

Q u o t e:
And we have the enchantress, she's kind of a buffing follower: she'll amplify your damage, lower enemies’ resistance and charm your enemies so they fight on your side for a while.

Q u o t e:
each of them has as one of their skills “magic find” or “gold find” – you have the option to give them that skill.

These guys can heal you, tank for you, increase your DPS, can buff you, bebuff enemies, utilize crowd control, and increase your magic and gold find. And then he laughably says:

Q u o t e:
but as the game moves along you won’t be at a disadvantage if you don’t take them

Really, sir, really? You won't be at a a disadvantage if you don't have one, really? That means that you won't be at an advantage if you do then, right? So buffs like AMPLIFY DAMAGE or LOWER RESISTANCE aren't advantageous, really? Finding more gold or magic items doesn't give you an advantage now, eh? What chump blundering skunk sundering thing to say. Here's Clown #2:

Q u o t e:
you can make a follower who tends to be more in the background and provides you with buffs or heals or possibly debuff enemies with things like slows and other kinds of debilitating attacks.

Q u o t e:
Not that the Followers are required, you don’t have to take them with you, but we tried to design them as such that there’d be very little reason why you wouldn’t

Yeah, thanks for nothing you punk fungler! Maybe they aren't "required" (to complete the game, obviously), but with "very little reason why I wouldn't want them", I feel obligated to take them or be at a disadvantage. That forces my hand and pisses me the stinch off!

Q u o t e:
They still are a little bit of cannon fodder but we do like to keep them around a little bit longer. But we really do want them to feel like a living, breathing part of the world so they do have a little more longevity.

Q u o t e:
If you tend to use a Follower more as a tank or damage absorber, suddenly health globes that normally wouldn’t be important to you at all when someone else is absorbing the damage, become very important because they help keep your tank character up.

Q u o t e:
So if your Follower’s health is reduced to zero he becomes incapacitated and collapses. Any benefits you’re getting from him go away

Oh yeah, great, thanks a lot, more babysitting. Yeah, I just can't wait to monitor my follower to make sure that he doesn't die and lose the buffs he's giving me.

PUNK THESE SLUMP SKUNKERING FOLLOWERS, AND PUNK YOU, YOU PUM SLUMBERING, MACK STAMMERING, RICK TICKLING, WOM-TOMBLERING PATCH SLAP MAPPERING, DIM TIMPLER NIP YIBBLERING UMP BUMBLING KNICK NABLER.

#11 - May 13, 2011, 4:47 p.m.

I like this guy.

Well, followers are essentially a flavor bonus to those playing through normal the first time by themselves. It provides some story elements, but more importantly it gets the idea in their head of playing with another person. You come across each of them pretty quickly in Act 1, and then they help you throughout the rest of the game if you'd like. They aren't required to beat the game on Normal, even if you're playing by yourself. Feel free to leave them behind if you like. But they are pretty awesome.

They're also tuned so that they become very weak starting in Nightmare, and then are completely unusable in Hell. Even if you're playing alone, you will probably not be using Followers past Normal - - you can try but they're going to just be one-shot back to back. They're there as a bit of flavor, to help get people into the mindset of co-op if they're a bit reluctant, and... that's about it. They won't be usable at end-game, and they'll never replace the abilities and power that another player can bring.

Q u o t e:
IF I WANT TO PLAY WITH SUPPORT I CAN EASILY PLAY WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AT WILL - IT'S THAT DUNKING SIMPLE

Cool, you should do that, then. Followers are for solo-players in Normal and maybe into Nightmare. That's it. If you have a friend to play with you won't even be able to bring them with you.

Q u o t e:
SO WHY THE DUNK, IF I CAN SO EASILY PLAY IN A PARTY, WOULD I WANT SOME FUMBLING FOLLOWER WHEN I'D RATHER PLAY SOLO?

Normal is not hard. You don't need a follower. I think they're cool and why not bring them along. They're essentially wandering DoTs most of the time (that talk). From a mechanic perspective I don't know why any level headed person would refuse to take them. (maybe though that's why this is an issue for you... ;)

On the note of eating crow, a lot of people yesterday were really upset that followers were going to be required for the entire game (somehow based off a video of Act 1 Normal it was able to be discerned how the entire game would be balanced). Then there were quite a few people defending it and trying to make sense of a video without any context. Both people were wrong in their arguments, thus, that's why I said that.